You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
