im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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