Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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