I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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