What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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