It's Friday. Sex?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
