Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
