Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
