Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
