I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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