All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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