i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
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We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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