see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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