I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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