I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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