1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
