i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
