I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
