I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
