PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
