he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
