I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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