Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
