nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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