Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
