Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
