I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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