I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
