i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
