She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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