New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
