k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
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