yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
