i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
