He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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