and she was petting her beer can
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
