I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
