who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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