I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
