I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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