You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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