I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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