At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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