When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Couch. On fire.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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