Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize