I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
