I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
