She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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