I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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