my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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