I think I died a long time ago.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So much rum. So many feels.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
