Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
