oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
