you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
