My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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