I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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