dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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