The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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