hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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