Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
