Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are two peas in an std pod
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
