If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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