I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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