Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
