from now on my penis is your penis
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
